THE COURT IS IN HUSHED SILENCE.
A FAMILIAR HANDSOME FACE ONCE MORE TAKES THE STAND
QC: Mr LonelyAngel, you have kept this court waiting rather a long time to continue your witness testimony in this case.
LA: I do apologise to the court.
QC: Brian Patterson put out a warrant for your arrest you know.
LA: Well, it’s always nice to be wanted. And if it keeps Brian Patterson busy...
QC: For the record, again sir, you have read Scott Creighton’s latest book?
LA: Yes. I have read it twice now sir. It is worth reading at least twice.
QC: And your opinion – for this court?
LA: I think the court can guess my opinion. And in the great scheme of things my opinion doesn’t matter. I am not an expert witness. I am a nobody here, in a world of nobodies – and out there is a greater court than this – the court of history and the court of world opinion. They will judge, not I.
QC: Then why have you come back?
MSTOWER: We want the truth!
LA: The truth? You can't handle the truth!
JUDGE: Didn't we do this bit before?
LA: Yes, but come on, it is funny and some people might have missed it first time round.
JUDGE: Really? Is this going anywhere? You do know we’ve got the Brexit case after this?
LA: My Lord. May it please the court that I read out a statement?
JUDGE: There is no president for that.
LA: I think you’ll find it is spelled “precedent”.
JUDGE: Oh? Very well. Proceed.
LA: “Scott Creighton has undertaken a very bold and meticulous investigation into the mystery of the Khufu cartouche. The Great Pyramid Hoax is a must read for all seekers of truth”.
QC: Ah! So THAT is your opinion?!
LA: It is an opinion I fully share sir. But these aren’t my words. I am in fact quoting Mr Robert Bauval, verbatim. You will find these words on the back of Scott’s book.
MSTOWER: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
JUDGE: Silence in court!
LA: May I read out another statement?
JUDGE: Make it quick.
LA: “An intriguing narrative, The Great Pyramid Hoax expertly weaves its way through the sands of time, as it revisits one of Egyptology’s most contentious issues – the dating of the Great Pyramid. In the best traditions of alternative research Creighton takes the reader on a personal journey of exploration, skillfully weaving powerful themes upon clear emotional expression, as he attempts to uncover the veracity behind one of Egypt’s most enduring mysteries. A must-read for those searching for the truth.”
QA: Ah! So THAT is YOUR opinion?
LA: It is an opinion I fully share sir, but they are not my words…
QA: Let me guess, they are the words of another alternative author? Another crackpot from the planet woo-woo?
LA: No sir. They are the words of Lorraine Evans, Egyptologist, Death historian, and author of Kingdom of the Ark. I quote her words verbatim from the very front page of Scott’s book.
MSTOWER: AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
JUDGE: Silence! You dreadful man! And stop foaming at the mouth.
LA: My work is done here. As a seeker of truth, I may stand utterly isolated in this particularly hostile courtroom, but I am clearly not really alone at all. Beyond us lie countless open minds - now and in the future - who, like me, will learn, and reason, and be challenged as Scott Creighton shines a light onto this murky and regrettable corner of "archaeology". And perhaps like me, with all the facts at last gathered in one place and in correct context, they will finally also be persuaded of Vyse's clear guilt because of this book. And thus, the tide of history slowly, belatedly, begins to turn and after all these years the wheel of justice begin to grind. For better or worse, the past isn't what it used to be. That’s all I have to say.
JUDGE: What an eloquent, engaging and – may I say – handsome young man. You are discharged sir.
LA: Thank you my Lord. And - my Lord?
JUDGE: Yes?
LA: You and your chums please remember – Brexit means Brexit.
JUDGE: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
A FAMILIAR HANDSOME FACE ONCE MORE TAKES THE STAND
QC: Mr LonelyAngel, you have kept this court waiting rather a long time to continue your witness testimony in this case.
LA: I do apologise to the court.
QC: Brian Patterson put out a warrant for your arrest you know.
LA: Well, it’s always nice to be wanted. And if it keeps Brian Patterson busy...
QC: For the record, again sir, you have read Scott Creighton’s latest book?
LA: Yes. I have read it twice now sir. It is worth reading at least twice.
QC: And your opinion – for this court?
LA: I think the court can guess my opinion. And in the great scheme of things my opinion doesn’t matter. I am not an expert witness. I am a nobody here, in a world of nobodies – and out there is a greater court than this – the court of history and the court of world opinion. They will judge, not I.
QC: Then why have you come back?
MSTOWER: We want the truth!
LA: The truth? You can't handle the truth!
JUDGE: Didn't we do this bit before?
LA: Yes, but come on, it is funny and some people might have missed it first time round.
JUDGE: Really? Is this going anywhere? You do know we’ve got the Brexit case after this?
LA: My Lord. May it please the court that I read out a statement?
JUDGE: There is no president for that.
LA: I think you’ll find it is spelled “precedent”.
JUDGE: Oh? Very well. Proceed.
LA: “Scott Creighton has undertaken a very bold and meticulous investigation into the mystery of the Khufu cartouche. The Great Pyramid Hoax is a must read for all seekers of truth”.
QC: Ah! So THAT is your opinion?!
LA: It is an opinion I fully share sir. But these aren’t my words. I am in fact quoting Mr Robert Bauval, verbatim. You will find these words on the back of Scott’s book.
MSTOWER: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
JUDGE: Silence in court!
LA: May I read out another statement?
JUDGE: Make it quick.
LA: “An intriguing narrative, The Great Pyramid Hoax expertly weaves its way through the sands of time, as it revisits one of Egyptology’s most contentious issues – the dating of the Great Pyramid. In the best traditions of alternative research Creighton takes the reader on a personal journey of exploration, skillfully weaving powerful themes upon clear emotional expression, as he attempts to uncover the veracity behind one of Egypt’s most enduring mysteries. A must-read for those searching for the truth.”
QA: Ah! So THAT is YOUR opinion?
LA: It is an opinion I fully share sir, but they are not my words…
QA: Let me guess, they are the words of another alternative author? Another crackpot from the planet woo-woo?
LA: No sir. They are the words of Lorraine Evans, Egyptologist, Death historian, and author of Kingdom of the Ark. I quote her words verbatim from the very front page of Scott’s book.
MSTOWER: AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
JUDGE: Silence! You dreadful man! And stop foaming at the mouth.
LA: My work is done here. As a seeker of truth, I may stand utterly isolated in this particularly hostile courtroom, but I am clearly not really alone at all. Beyond us lie countless open minds - now and in the future - who, like me, will learn, and reason, and be challenged as Scott Creighton shines a light onto this murky and regrettable corner of "archaeology". And perhaps like me, with all the facts at last gathered in one place and in correct context, they will finally also be persuaded of Vyse's clear guilt because of this book. And thus, the tide of history slowly, belatedly, begins to turn and after all these years the wheel of justice begin to grind. For better or worse, the past isn't what it used to be. That’s all I have to say.
JUDGE: What an eloquent, engaging and – may I say – handsome young man. You are discharged sir.
LA: Thank you my Lord. And - my Lord?
JUDGE: Yes?
LA: You and your chums please remember – Brexit means Brexit.
JUDGE: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.